The town so nice they named it twice.

So to those of you who knew I was gone: I am back and just as good as ever. I spent four days in New York City with my sister; she truly is a wonderful and amazing person. If only she could grasp how wonderful and amazing she is, but that is neither here nor there, maybe someday thought, I can hope.

Anyway I'll start with my flight which was, for the most part, uneventful, however I flew out of Oakland which meant I flew over San Francisco and I got an overhead view of all the landmarks of my very early youth. The Golden Gate and Bay Bridges, Alcatraz and Angle Islands, Coyt Tower, Hunters Point, The Presidio, the huge red and white tower that rested on top of the hill about the home of a long time passed, very dear family friend. The plane banked hard and I could look down over The Cow Palace, so with only minimal searching I was looking down on my old neighborhood and my old house. A short while later and there was Candle Stick Park, Three Com to those of you under 30; it will always be Candle Stick Park to the rest of us. It was almost surreal, I have not been back in 20 years and other than the best Chinese food, I see no reason to go. Looking down on all of my past caused a flood of emotions to come over me and I was unsure why it was having such a strong effect on me. It has been over 27 years since I lived there and I have no real emotional attachment one way or another, to the area. Then it dawned on me as I reminisced of trips out of the area from my past. I was waiting on the copilot to reach back, smack one of us and scream at all of us "Do not make me turn this goddamn plane around"!

All was well on to LAX and as I sat in my seat a very attractive and I am guessing by the book she was reading (Beowulf), intelligent young lady sat in the aisle seat and we started to chat. This is something I try to avoid while flying because most of the time the people I sit next to are just the rich cousins of the ones I sit next to on the Greyhound bus (Everybody out of the gene pool. It's time to clean the filter). We did not discuss anything earth shattering but it was a nice change from the normal travelers chirping.

Our conversation was quickly interrupted when a very large, very sweaty, unkempt black man (yeah I'm a racist, whatever. He was black if he'd been white I would have pointed that out as well) climbs over the top of the young lady in the aisle seat and squeezes his far too large ass in to the middle seat without so much as an "Excuse me" or "May I sit here"? My friends, this man stunk. The closest thing I could compare it to is what I imagine BigFoot would smell like. It was overbearing and stomach turning.

As we settled in for the preflight checks and safety briefing our new seat guest pulled out a bundle of bananas and proceeded to eat all of them, 8 or 9, I'm not sure, but they were all gone before we left the gate. Well apparently this guy liked bananas far more than they liked him because even before we reached cruising altitude he shifted forward and suddenly our seats were surrounded by an aroma that can only be described as "a dead rat, floating in sewage and sprinkled with a touch of banana"; truly a stench beyond redemption. It didn't get any better until Chicago. I think I will have to burn my clothes.

Well besides that I made it to New York without incident and it was great to see my sister, it had been far too long. And I believe we crammed 8 days worth of stuff into 4 days. We saw the "Shakespeare in the Park" rendition of Romeo and Juliet with Claire Fisher (Six Feet Under), Camryn Manheim (Ghost Whisperer) and Austin Pendleton (Christmas with the Kranks), so it wasn't a low budget production which I also enjoy. We walked the East Village, Broadway, Union Square, Time Square, Central Park, Midtown, and Downtown, anyway I walked much more than I have in a very long time.

We ate at Spark's, the East Side steak house where John Gotti had Paul Castellano "whacked", went shopping for tattoo's but decided against a new one (for now anyway), went to the Museum of Modern Art, or MOMA for those of you not "in the know" (of which I was one until I went there). They also call Washington Mutual WAMU, so I realized New Yorkers have their own dictionary of acronyms, very military for a city full of liberals. I saw Picasso's, Pollack's, Mattise and many more.

We went to a Broadway play called "Avenue Q", a musical with puppets. I'm sure, for those of you who know me, the first thing you that comes to mind when you think of me is "Musicals with puppets", however let me give you a quick rundown: It's almost a cross between Sesame Street and South Park. It's a coming of age with a musical score including songs like "It sucks to be me", "The internet is for porn" and "We are all a little racist". So, as you see it fits me better than I would have thought. I recommend if you ever get to see it; do. You won't be disappointed.

I met a few of her friends, each uniquely different but all beautiful, interesting and intelligent women. I remained on my best behavior to ensure I didn't say anything that would alienate her from them.

We had great Italian food, Indian food, and the best bagels in NYC, tons of coffee and a sandwich at Carnegie Deli that could feed a family of five; or my sister and me.

We saw The Fantastic 4; Rise of the Silver Surfer; a decent sequel. Went to the American Museum of Natural History, which I'm sure they tried to come up with a cool nickname but AMNG sucked and maybe AMUNATHIS was already taken or it sounded too Greek and in some way that would be bad. Who knows? We rented Night at the Museum; very good even if, like me, you don't like Ben Stiller. But it was an amazing place and should be seen by anyone who gets the opportunity to do so, it is worth the side trip.

I did not go to "Ground Zero", although I was offered repeatedly. I don't know if I could have dealt with the emotions of it and I'm also pissed beyond all belief it has been almost six years and it's still a giant hole and they've done nothing to rectify it. "ATTENTION REPRESENTATIVES: We are the laughing stock of the terrorist world!" They brought down the towers and these committees can't even place a corner stone without pulling it back out. They crippled you guys and you're doing nothing at all to save face. You are all a waste of money, time, space and oxygen. I can't take a bottle of shampoo on a plane with me unless it fits in a bomb proof one quart plastic bag? We're still taking our shoes off because some total whack job tried to light his on fire? Give me a break. We need someone to try a bra bomb or a panty bomb. At least then going through security will be fun and visually stimulating for me. Be honest; do any of you feel any safer knowing we have to do this crap? I can't take a lighter on a plane but I can take matches? Our enemies are laughing at us and "We the Sheeple" are still taking our shoes off and strip searching 90 year old Jewish women while Akmed and Hadjii are going through without so much as an eyebrow raised all so it doesn't appear we're singling him out because he looks like our enemy. They are using our laws, our courts and our Constitution against us and laughing all the way to the bomb factory. Would we really rather lose another 200 people or another national monument just to ensure we don't offend some Mula by pulling him off a plane because his prayer and "allahu ackbar" made the people on the plane nervous? I keep hearing people say "What about his rights?", well what about my rights and the rights of the other passengers to feel safe? No one has a right to not be inconvenienced but the people should have the right to feel safe in their travels and "allahu ackbar" does not make me feel safe.

But I digress, that was a large wander off the path I was taking. I didn't go to "Ground Zero"; maybe some day but not right now.

We had what I hope were great conversations about politics, life, love, happiness, writing, reading, war, peace, you name it and I think we touched on it. We solved all of the worlds problems well at least ironed them out a little.

I had a truly wonderful time with a truly wonderful person. I am however glad to be home. New York is a wonderful place to visit and I recommend it to everyone. Do it at least once but I miss my open space. It is a very invasive city. My sister told me people need 24" of personal space and the average New Yorker gets about 16". I think she's being very generous with that estimation though. It feels more like 10 or 12" and even less at times. I miss making eye contact with passers by. A friendly head nod is nonexistent and if you do get one you soon realize it was just a turrets' tick by the crazy guy. But the architecture, history and culture make it all worth while.

Go. Enjoy. You won't be sorry.