Just venting I guess

Well, I was told I owe y'all a blog so I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what the hell I'd right about that 1) I deem important enough. 2) Would be relatively entertaining. and 3) Might stimulate the readers gray matter. Not coming up with much. In fact I'm pretty much drawing a total blank, but I'll throw something out there anyway, not so much to entertain or stimulate anyone but more to vent. So I hope this gets me off the hook with her and you find this enjoyable, enlightening and possibly entertaining or stimulating.

So here goes. For those of you who don't know I commute about 60 miles round trip to work and home each day. Both ways I travel with the majority of the flow of traffic. Now to many this may not sound too bad, and I understand that but take into account most of the people I drive with can't drive. They're afraid of the traffic. They learned to drive on a tractor (e.g. 10mph was fast enough for John Deere it should be fast enough for Toyota). These are the people that get on the freeway at the same speed they were going on the last street they were on. If the surface road speed limit was 25mph then they do 25 on the freeway until they see a 65mph sign. Frustrating, especially when I'm usually doing around 70 or 75 when they pull out in front of me.

There are the people too lazy to set their alarm 15 minutes early so they can put their makeup on at the house or shave or what have you. You do realize you're not the only on the road, I'm sure because I most of us honk and wave with one finger when you cut us off. Please, do us all a favor and get up a couple minute early and do this stuff at home or leave a couple minutes early and do it when you get to work. Either way it's good for me. I've seen, as I've said, people doing their makeup, shaving, reading books and newspapers. I actually saw a guy one day, his head appearing and disappearing down in the passenger seat (I won't say what I thought he was doing). When I got up next to him he actually had a small microwave oven plugged into the cigarette lighter and was heating a danish of some sort. Now, is this invention really necessary? What in the name of all hell was the guy thinking when he came up with this idea? "Hmm. You know with all how little I pay attention to what's going on around me, I could make breakfast on my way to work." This guy should be taken out and hit in the head with a pick-hammer. He and his invention are truly menaces to society.

There's the speed police. You know who they are. They're the ones that get on the freeway and do 64 or 65mph and not a penny more, in the hammer lane and to top it off they won't get out of the way. To those of you who do this, do me a favor; GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!! The left lane is a passing lane. If you are not passing someone; move over. If someone wants to do 85 in a 65 it's none of your business. And you holding them up is just as dangerous as their speeding. Plus on top of them speeding now they have road rage. Not a good combination. And to those of you who want to speed; no problem. I will get out of your way as soon as I can, but I am not speeding up to do it and tailgating only makes me slow down. If you're gonna ride my ass you may find out how good your brakes work. Is that the right answer? No, but it makes me feel better watching you swerve and raise a cloud of dust as you go down into the median. Quite the show. If that makes you angry and you want to follow me home, don't let anything but fear and common sense hold you back.

There's the "Ooh, Awe" squad. You know; the rubber-neckers. The ones that slow down when there's an accident or someone pulled over by the police or an orange bag of garbage on the side of the road. Just to let you know, I've seen a lot of accidents and all the gore that goes along with them. You don't really want to see this. It will scar you for life. If you want to see this so bad stop and render aid but get out of the way first. You don't need to know who's getting the ticket and no matter how hard you stare at the orange bag, it won't do any tricks. Take my word for it. I promise. The rest of us have somewhere to be, otherwise we wouldn't be on the freeway 2 hours before the sun's up.

This morning I had the opportunity to drive to work with "First not fast". I drive a very nice car (yes I am bragging, I waited a long, long time to be able to drive this car, I deserve to brag) that makes it very easy to speed. Therefore I use my cruise control any time I have the chance. If I don't I have a tendency to look down and not only am I going fast but I'm going "go to jail" fast. Anyway, this morning I'm on my way to work (yes on a Sunday), my cruise set at 70 +/- and I pass this woman in a white Benz. I get around her and move back in to the right lane and she comes flying up on me, goes around me and slows back down to about 60 again. So, since I didn't want to go that slow I again went around her and again she passes me and slows back down again. This went on from Nampa to the "Flying Y" where she finally got off at the Interchange. Now I'm just going to guess her Benz came with cruise. Why not use it?

Some other people I have yet to attach a moniker to are those out there that drive in a lane even though they know it's ending in 1000 feet. Remember this: It's your lane that is ending. We are under no obligation to let your dumb ass in. Then there's the people who see you signal your intention and they speed up to close the gap so you can't get in. This is usually the same jagoff that speeds up when you try to pass them. Nice asshole. Now I may play your game if I'm by myself but if my family is with me and you're putting them in danger by doing this, I will push you out of our way. I have done it before and I won't hesitate to do it again. No skin off my nose; with the nice car comes good insurance. Another one that really gets to me is the one you let in and you don't get the obligatory "thank you" wave. Look, if I let you in and you don't acknowledge me I should be able to get under you, take your air and put your ungrateful ass into the wall. Just some food for thought.

So I leave you with this:

1. The on-ramp is for accelerating. If the speed limit is 65 use the ramp to get up to speed.

2. If you are getting on the freeway, you are merging with us. Not visa versa. I don't have to let you in.

3. Don't do your makeup, shave, read, eat or hold conference calls while on your way to work. Get up early and do it at home. Leave early and do it at work but the rest of us would appreciate your undivided attention since we are trying to share the road with you.

4. You are not a cop. You have no right to try to control the speed of traffic by being a dipshit. Get the fuck out of the way and let the cops get the speeders.

5. Don't tale-gate me. I will slam on my brakes (see the insurance remark above).

6. Don't gawk at accidents, or stalled vehicles or police cars or people on community service. You are hindering traffic and could end up pulled over, causing an accident or out there on community service and slowing someone else down next month.

7. If you can't do the speed limit and yet can't stand being passed by someone please use your cruise control so I don't have to play leap-frog with you all morning.

Be curtious:

8. Don't drive until you run out of road, again I have no obligation to let you in.

9. Don't speed up when I signal my intention and I won't do it to you.

and last but not least,

10. When I am curtious and let you do something I am under no obligation to let you do: Wave!

I don't think I'm asking too much, am I?