October 2006

It tears me up inside. I sit here knowing my girls (yeah, I said My girls, get over it) are preparing to go off to some shit hole country in the Middle East and Im torn between pride, fear, worry, guilt and God only knows what other emotions I am not accustomed to feeling. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach when I heard from them they were leaving. I know this is what soldiers do. I really do not care. That fact is, at this time, irrelevant to me. These young ladies are my friends and to top it all off I am not able to be there to protect them. Call it whatever you like: machismo, chauvinism, sexism, chivalry. I do not care what you wish to label it. I have grown attached to each one of them. I think of them as little sisters or daughters or what have you. They are all very special to me. Each one holds a very special place in my heart. They are my kids. I have known each of them from the beginning of their military careers and some since before that. I have watched them grow up. I have watched them become soldiers.

I know; as a leader, you should never become emotionally attached to your soldiers. It is a simple rule. One every Army leader knows, but I have grown attached, so that rule goes unheeded and is now a moot point. It is hard not to become close to them when you spend so much time learning about these kids and listening to their dreams and desires. Why not the same attachment to my male soldiers and friends? Well, mostly because men do not, generally speaking, openly share as much as women do. Because of that simple fact, I was able to get to know the (my) girls better than I was allowed to know their male counterparts. I have over the years been, and may still be, their friend, their counselor and their confidant and to some, I think, a father figure. Each of them, at one time or another, has shared thoughts and dreams with me, asked me for advice, come to me with a personal problem, confided in me or just needed me to listen, and apparently listening is something I do well. On the upside, it is the reason these young ladies have become so important to me. On the downside, it is the reason these soldiers have become so important to me. I know they are fully capable. That does not make it easier to watch them go. I have other friends going, male friends, and although I do not want to see them go either, it is easier because this is what men do. Men go to war. Maybe it is genetics, maybe it is testosterone or maybe it is a primal wiring we have not yet evolved out of but men have this prehistoric desire to conquer. It has been within us since the beginning of time. Since we lived in caves and fought wars with sticks. We cannot escape this; it is a part of us just like hunger, thirst and our need to procreate. I guess it really is primal.

On the first Sunday in June I received word one of my girls was killed by an IED, while serving in Iraq. A beautiful, young, vibrant life extinguished by some cowardly piece of shit who was too afraid to come out and fight, face-to-face, for his Holy cause. Since that day, I have questioned everything I thought I knew. I do not mean I have lost faith; I just question His master plan or big picture. Well, guess what? If the loss of someone so wonderful, in the freedom fight for people who will never truly appreciate their freedom (because they are not willing to fight for their freedom) is part of His master plan then His plan is flawed, because in this instance He has truly cast pearls before swine. I have lost other friends over there; just none so personally heart breaking. I read their names on the Roll Call and I feel my heart get harder and colder with each name I recognize. I will never forgive the terrorists for taking my friends from me and I will never forgive the Iraqi people for allowing it to happen. I feel nothing for these people beyond pure, seething, unadulterated hatred. I abhor them. I abhor their beliefs, their god and everything they stand for and hold dear. Very few have the bravery to stand up to the cowards and terrorists who are trying to prevent their freedom. Freedom they are not even being required to fight for. We are fighting for it for them. Handing it to them like a gift. The rest are too chicken-shit to stand up, or maybe, they are content with the status quo. I do not know. Again, I do not care. All I care about is the fact our soldiers are dying to free people who do not seem to care if they are free. That sickens me.

Some may label me a racist for this but I do not consider it racism. I consider it prejudice. If I see someone who looks Middle Eastern, I leave. I will not talk to, or even look at them and I sure as hell will not do any sort of business with them. I cannot tell if they are Iraqi, Persian, Indian, Arab, Turkish or what have you and I really do not care. That is not racism. That is just plane pre judging someone based on appearances. Therefore, I guess I am practicing appearance profiling and I am okay with that. If I am wrong I will deal with that when I meet my maker. He will scorn me for this and I will scorn Him for allowing my friends to die. We are even.

Yet, despite everything we know, we still try to make these people like us? Why? They will never like us. They hate us. They hate us almost as much as I hate them. (Deuteronomy 32:41 -- If I whet my glittering sword and my hand take hold in judgment; I will render vengeance upon my enemies and will repay those who hate me.)

Make no mistake this is not anti-war rhetoric! I believe we are just and right for being where we are. I just have a problem with helping those who will not help themselves. I do not think we should leave. We started a project and we need to complete it. If for no other reason than to prove to the people of other countries, as well as the people in ours, just because the going gets tough we will not turn tail and run. To back out now would be the worst possible solution. It is time, however, to take the gloves off. It is time to fight the fight these cowards and terrorists will understand. It is time to get biblical on our enemies. (Ezekiel 25:17 The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. For he is truly his brothers keeper, and the finder of lost children, and I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brother. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.) Let them know: If a terrorist attacks an American interest, either here or abroad, we will irradiate Mecca. Nuke Mecca? Yes. My reasoning for this is: all Muslims must, according to the Koran, make a pilgrimage to Mecca before they can enter paradise. If we promise to obliterate their holiest of holy sites and no Muslim can enter paradise if another terrorist attack is carried out against us, or ours, then maybe they will take it upon themselves to ensure it never happens again. We did not make this a Holy War, they did, but if they want to fight this like it is a Holy War then I firmly believe we should accommodate them. If they want to know whose God is more powerful or whose God loves His followers more, I think we have an obligation to show them how mislead and unrighteous they truly are.

Get in. Get done. Get out. We cannot help someone who is not willing to help himself. Help them by showing them how to help themselves. Give them the tools to do the job and leave. If they do not have the fortitude to use these tools to better their lives for themselves To hell with them! It is not our job to hold their hands. We cannot continue to baby sit. It they are content to live like animals in a Dark Ages society; so be it. Who are we to tell them they are wrong? It is now their decision. Do they want to be free and live a better life (as we see it) or do they want to crawl back into their mud huts and pretend all is well? That is for them to decide, not us. What is for us to decide is: How are we going to win these wars with the least amount of American casualties? That is the only question needing answered.

I know deep down my girls will be okay, that fact does nothing to ease the knot in the pit of my stomach. No matter how much that little voice in the back of my mind ensures me everything is okay I will continue to worry, until they return home. So it is with a heavy heart I say Good bye to my friends, my girls, my kids, my soldiers. You will all take a piece of me with you and I pray you will all bring them safely back to me, in one piece. You are all in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart. God speed and be safe my friends. I will miss you.

With all the love a father can give his daughters, a brother can give his sisters and a friend can give his friends,
-Moÿ-